What kind of company do you keep as a Leader?
Attempting to be consistent with the suggestion in my last post — Leaders vs. Summer — I challenged myself to read Cicero’s “On a Life Well Spent” over the course of the summer. Trust me, other than the Bible, I’m not given to reading 2,000 year-old texts regularly.
This morning, I came across this ending to a chapter in which Cicero describes Quintus Maximus, a friend and Leader he greatly admired:
“. . . when he was taken from us, I should never find another Man to improve by.”
Who’s in your life, walking alongside you as a Leader, who, when they are gone, will be a great loss?
The best Leaders I know don’t lead in isolation. They surround themselves with a few good friends. Friends who inspire them to be better, genuinely care for them, and with whom they can be vulnerable.
Interestingly, I think this can be particularly difficult for men. Women more naturally cultivate supportive friendships.
So, what does this look like? In my life, I have my wife and about a half dozen men whose counsel I seek regularly. Here’s how I would describe them.
Better than me. Each of these individuals is stronger and more talented than I am in certain areas. One is a sought-after teacher. Another asks powerful questions. Another is a gifted analyst. They inspire me to “rise” to their level.
Different from me. And different from one another. I am polar opposite in personality and other ways with my closest companions. I’ve never had them all together in the same room at the same time — they might or might not mix. Along with other benefits, this helps me be at ease with people whose personalities or talents differ from mine.
Generous. I would say each of these friends follows the adage, “to whom much is given, much is expected.” They have the capacity to care for and give to others, and do so readily. They recognize that a lasting legacy comes from feeding others, not just yourself.
Trustworthy. One of my opening questions with Leaders I work with is, “Who in your life can you be completely vulnerable with?” I don’t have to worry about any of these friends taking things I’ve shared with them in confidence to others.
If I were to lose any of these friends, I would echo Cicero’s words — I don’t think I could find another such Man to improve by.
But how do you find such friends? Here are some thoughts from my journey.
Be intentional. You have to purposefully seek such friendships. Ten years ago, after losing my first “hero,” my older brother, to brain cancer, I approached a leader in my community who was well connected. I asked if he knew some successful leaders who might be open to mentoring someone like me. His suggestions ultimately led me to two men with whom I began to meet regularly.
Patiently cultivate. The group I have today didn’t magically appear overnight. It took years of looking and sifting. And it required persistence on my part to initiate and spend time with each person. Somewhere along the way in each relationship, something suddenly clicked and they began seeking me out regularly as well.
Seek diversity. No one person possesses all the talents you’d like to surround yourself with. I sought guys who each are among the best in their particular areas of giftedness.
Be a good friend. To have good friends, you ultimately must be a good friend. And you often have to give before you receive. I think each of these individuals counts me among their band of brothers, one who cares for them, challenges them, and is trustworthy.
I’d be interested to hear who’s around you, inspiring your Leadership. Share your comments below this post here.
Forward this to a Leader.